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What if...  

Posted by Ryan Woods

The greatest thing about being old is that you can get away with anything 'cause you're old!When I'm old what if...

I put all the dishes in the washing machine instead of the dishwasher. Jess would have to buy all plastic dishes. We could use the dishwasher for storage since all our dishes would be washed in the washing machine.

I always walked outside without my pants off. Can you arrest me? Ok, maybe you could. But what if I always sun bathed nude in my backyard. That would be funny. Especially if we only had a chain link fence.

I took out my false teeth whenever I went out in public. And what if I always asked the bathroom attendant or hostess to hold my teeth while I fixed my trousers. If they said no I would just pretend that I didn't hear them.

I always screamed in public "I think I just defecated in my pants!" (the sad part is that I've experienced this at a local hospital).

I refused to sit on furniture because I was sure that the furniture makers were all Communists. "I'm not going to let those damn commies support my body with their furniture!"

I only ate Chicken fried steak. Every day. Until I died. For some reason I don't think this one is too far from the truth.

I always pronounced words wrong. Like for the word 'public' I said "poob-lick". Or for 'booger' I said "boggers" or...the list could go on and on really.

What if...

17 additions to the conversation

rebecca marie   says 1:55 PM, July 18, 2006

this reminded me of estelle costanza (you know, george's mom)... "i won't ride in german cars."

Unknown   says 2:56 PM, July 18, 2006

And these ideas would be different from your current habits how?

Ryan Woods   says 4:31 PM, July 18, 2006

I'd be older.

Jen   says 6:01 PM, July 18, 2006

What if you messed with the elevator in your apartment and you got arrested?

tara   says 8:57 PM, July 18, 2006

lol good one jen.
or what if you were senile and doused your best friend jonothan with gas and lit him on fire....?

Unknown   says 9:23 PM, July 18, 2006

According to the sidekick on the nationally broadcast radio show that Boise gets but Portland doesn't (go figure): the elderly steal things.

rebecca marie   says 9:39 PM, July 18, 2006

ty - they totally do. i usta work at a grocery store, a thousand years ago, and they were the WORST. and it was crap, too. like a roll of wint-o-green life savers. it was pretty disturbing and awesome all at the same time.

James T Wood   says 6:57 AM, July 19, 2006

When I'm old I'm going to drive 90mph all the time.

dodyb   says 7:47 AM, July 19, 2006

Since I am 'old' I will wear purple.

arwen   says 9:23 AM, July 19, 2006

what if out of sheer loneliness, you posted the most random blog ever? It's good though. I like the part about the communists... they are my people, you know... I was going to get a hammer and a sicle on my foot, but I thought that would be too obvious and i would be persecuted for it. So I just got the star and told people I like stars and red.

and that is the story behind that...

RoniZee   says 9:45 AM, July 19, 2006

How patriotic of you.

Unknown   says 11:13 AM, July 19, 2006

I'm not communist: they are to political, and I think that never works; but I did score as a socialist in an online survey (I think it's because they didn't know how to classify my party ambiguous answers).

arwen   says 9:25 PM, July 19, 2006

...what if in the heat of the moment, I showed natalie your naked body... would that be funny?

Ryan Woods   says 10:46 PM, July 19, 2006

honestly arwen...it would be kind of funny.
Let me know it goes over. Just leave the kids out of it.

arwen   says 1:20 PM, July 20, 2006

um... what if i did it before i posted... she thought it was funny and never thought that she would see that much of you... I think Camille may have seen a little flash of it tho... i tried to keep it hidden.... sorry.

Ryan Woods   says 8:15 PM, July 20, 2006

I'm only sorry for camile.

tabitha jane   says 12:51 PM, July 24, 2006

it's been so hot lately. we like to be as little dressed as possible because of it. yesterday, the husband said "i wonder how far down the street i could get if i went outside like this (naked)?"

"in this neighborhood?" i replied, "pretty far, i should think."

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