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Death and Nancy Kerrigan  

Posted by Ryan Woods


If I die today, here is what I want my tombstone to say:

Ryan Neal Woods
July 27 1982-June 27 2006
Husband, father, healer, and friend
He touched the lives of everyone he met
Won two Academy Awards and one Golden Globe
Was asked to replace Will Smith on Fresh Prince
Skied really well
Has/had and awesome wife who must grieve for three years
Looked like Jesus, smelled like a fisherman, and drank like girl
He was the quintessential human being
Once he beat up three marines with a donkey jaw bone
Once he slipped on a banana peal
Thanks Ryan for all your years of awesomeness
Can I write my own epithet? And if so, is there a rule against making stuff up? 'Cause if you were wondering, I've never slipped on a peal of any kind.

Here are some other random thoughts:
  1. If peek-a-boo became the next big sport allowed in the Olympics, I think Jones would win a medal
  2. Kate Beckensdale seems like a nice person
  3. With age, Leonard DiCaprio's body gets larger and his head gets smaller
  4. People should really drink more water, it's good for you
  5. I'm psychotic about getting the dishes done
  6. I have yet to read Arenas post (Arena is what Spellcheck always wants to call Arwen) about Def Leopard...but they should stop making music. They're old. While I'm at it, lets add Styx, Moby, and Brian Litrell to the equasion
  7. Where have all the cowboys gone?
  8. My dad is going to let me know if he thinks of anything profound or insightful
  9. Jesus came into outback again two nights ago. He thinks that Brazil is going to win the World Cup
  10. Australia deserves to be in the next round of the WC, not Italy
  11. I've found this odd phenomenon...no matter what a post is about, it seems as though whatever your last paragraph speaks about is what people comment on. It's strange. It's like, "man it sure is hot. It's blazing hot up here in the 'Couve. I mean, seriously, it's like 150 degrees. I wish that I had AC. If I had AC then I could be at peace in my life and all would be well. Or at the very least I wouldn't be so hot. Nancy Kerrigan deserved to get hit" and what do you all talk about? Nancy frickin' Kerrigan!

15 additions to the conversation

rebecca marie   says 12:42 PM, June 27, 2006

well, i wouldn't say she deserved it....

also... i'm rooting for italy. i can't help it. and if you don't root for them too, me and the family might have you killed.

arwen   says 2:16 PM, June 27, 2006

Who's Nancy Kerrigan? And why do you have a cracked out transvestite prostitute at the end of your post? WHAT IS GOING ON?

Ok. I really like what you had to say here. Except for Moby. I like him. Ok. I don't like him, but I like his music. I think he's a chump. A chump who tries to start fights with Eminem... seriously, who would win that one? Um... one other thing... The cowboys? We may remember them in the Gay Cowboy movie... They are all out in Wyoming having sex.

Lisa   says 2:23 PM, June 27, 2006

I agree that Australia should have at least had a chance to go into extra time. Italy's goal was a gift from the ref, so i have no hard feelings against them because they just had to go with the call from the ref. Stupid refs.

I like that you think Kate Beckensdale is nice, Kate Beckinsale is probably nice too.

Nancy Kerrigan is a whiney baby and she needs to get over herself.

Its hot here too. Hot and sticky. I love it.

Ryan Woods   says 2:57 PM, June 27, 2006

You're the one whose hot and sticky.

Lisa   says 3:16 PM, June 27, 2006

yes... yes I am.

Lisa   says 3:32 PM, June 27, 2006

Yeah, about tanya harding... thats what people think all northwesteners are like. its awesome. people go, "ohhhh... you're from the nw..." and then cover their knees.

Rolo's co worker met me once, then the next day at work told him, "your wife is cute. I thought she would be all wierd looking, cause all the people I know from washington are wierd, and kinda trashy. But she looks good."
uh..thanks, i guess.

Thanks tanya... thanks for representing us so well.

tabitha jane   says 6:18 PM, June 27, 2006

Kate Beckensdale is also hot and has big breasts.

tabitha jane   says 6:18 PM, June 27, 2006

arwen: are you being serious?

arwen   says 8:20 PM, June 27, 2006

haha... no. I know who they both are. I think i delivered pizza to Tonya Harding once. Not really, but everytime I went down by her house on the Evergreen Hwy, I always hoped that it was her house. If she payed by credit card, I would steal her receipt and frame it. and yes. I really do like Moby...

Ryan Woods   says 8:44 PM, June 27, 2006

Who thinks that Tabitha wants to marry Kate Beckinsdale?

tara   says 10:35 AM, June 28, 2006

remember when ryan told lisa she was hot and sticky. that was wierd. i thought ryan loved jessica...

Jen   says 11:44 AM, June 28, 2006

Not all the cowboys are in Wyoming having sex. There's a whole heck of a lot in these here parts. They do things like rope cattle and shoot things. Ryan, maybe Jones would fit in well here. He likes to shoot things. Oh, and just so you guys know, I'm never buying cowboy boots, a cowboy hat, or any Texas paraphernalia. But, whenever I move, I decided that I'm going to use the shape of the state that I move to for all my decorating. Texans think that's cool.

Ryan Woods   says 12:14 PM, June 28, 2006

So if you end up anywhere in the NW your house will be filled with squares! Thats ok though 'cause it's hip to be square...right?

James T Wood   says 7:47 AM, July 03, 2006

You can totally write your own epithet, mostly because that is a mean thing that you say (like a cuss). You might need to get permission to write your own epitaph.

I like Tombstone pizza, but it's too expensive, c'mon Totino's is like a buck for a whole pizza. Sure it tastes like crap, but it's cheap.

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