Office 2007-Creepy-Peeing in Bottles
Posted by Ryan Woods
This just rocked my world. On Microsofts website you can download the beta version of Office 2007 for free...well, almost for free. I had to pay 1.50 for all of office pro. I now get to use it through February of next year. Pretty good I think. And let me tell you, office 2007 rocks my world right off its rocker. No I'm serious, they've changed things up quite a bit and it looks good.
I don't want to nerd it up too much. So I'd like to leave you with this:
I have this friend who we'll call Jeff. I used to call him creepy. It wasn't because it was creepy, but because it sounded funny when I'd say "hey creepy" kind of like Jim Carrey might say in Liar Liar. Well, Creepy lived across the street from the church where I attended and where my dad was the minister. So I was near his home often, but not all the time. When I was near I would sneak into his house and change his answering machine. It was beautiful. One day he'd be sitting there when the phone would ring and he'd be too lazy to answer. All of a sudden there would be my screechy voice saying "hey it's me creepy and I'm not here. I might be gay or I might be going poo poo or pee pee but if you leave a message I'll call you back" or something of that nature. It's so funny to me still that it breaks my heart...and no, I wasn't four years old. I was actually in high school, thank you very much.
On another semi funny note (I'm only trying to please myself here): when I was post highschool age and living in Lubbock, Texas I went through this stage where I would pee into bottles. I know, I know, I sound like that guy from as good as it gets or something like that. But it was all in good fun. We would pee into bottles and then put them in peoples freezers or under their pillows or something. Obviously we would always wash off the outside so that we wouldn't get people sick. We pee into bottles but we aren't animals. It got to the point though where we were keeping a three liter bottle (yes, Texans are so full of gluttony that two litters just isn't enough) under our bathroom sink to pee in. At one point we realized that we weren't even doing anything funny with it anymore. We were just peeing into a bottle and then throwing it away when it got too close to filling. I will refrain from speaking into any detail about what happens to urine when it has sat in a bottle for too long, but lets just say that it separates into two very distinct and disgusting mixtures, one of which is about as thick as curdled milk from what I could tell...both of which look to be very unhealthy. The only moral of the story I can extrapolate from my experience is that peeing in bottles is only funny for the pee-er and not for the peepee-receive.
If I have now alienated all fifteen of my readers...it's worth it. Good bye my friends and loved ones.
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