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Ventriloquism  

Posted by Ryan Woods


I love my wife for many many reasons. I am not going to spend a whole blog listing them all, though at some point I just may do this.
But after nearly three years of marriage I have discovered yet another reason why I love this amazingly beautiful funny woman. It happened like this...

We were riding in the car doing our normal shtick (our normal shtick consists of singing old songs with beautiful new harmonies to entertain both ourselves and our son. Sometimes this also includes writing new original music or adapting the words of a classic but keeping the melody) when all of a sudden I got the idea to try to be a ventriloquist. Now I have never done this before, but there are those certain moments in your life when you know deep down in your gut that you've just discovered something special. This was one of those moments. Deep down in my soul I had this feeling like I would be a natural ventriloquist. There is no reason why, there is no logic as to how this could be, but I knew that it was within me. And lo and behold I was way off. For the life of me I cannot figure out how to talk without moving my freaking lips! It's nearly impossible I think. After trying for some time my wife decided to give it a try...

What do you think happened? She was a masterpiece, it was a masterpiece, her ventriloquism was amazing. Her lips stood still as if to mimic the beating of my heart at that exact moment. Her V's and her M's were more perfect than rainfall in the desert. My heart was stilled while her tongue made noises that the lips were made to create. She spoke, but her face was placid. Sound came forth, but...creepily enough she just came and sat by me and is now reading my blog out loud...AND HER LIPS AREN'T MOVING!

I've married an amazing woman. A ventriloquist.

*It bestills my heart to know that all of my readers have, at this point, attempted to be a ventriloquist. You know you have. "Don't lie, just try" Thats my motto.-ryan

5 additions to the conversation

i am also an accomplished ventriloquist... who do you think taught your wife? we used to stay up late in Yacolt and I taught her ventriloquisim basics and she showed me the wonders of... um.. ok. I lied. I didn't teach her, but i am pretty good...

I am an excellent ventriloquist. Watch!
Are you watching!?
OK
Here I go.

"Hey dummy"
"Who you callin' dummy, dummy?
"Well you're the one with your hand up my backside"

Tadah!

I bet you didn't even see my lips move.

"andrea... is.... ... .... amazing"

Licking your elbow doesn't sound hard...until you try. Amazing. Simply amazing.

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I am uncertain what to call myself, but my family and I are committed to the people of downtown Vancouver, WA. We are followers of Christ and hope to be a part of a movement of hope, imagination, and transformation in our developing downtown community.

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