Sometimes I just don't understand my choices.
Let me be honest with you, I feel as though this year God has been giving very clear direction in a lot of ways to my family and to my work with Renovatus. I feel like he's provided us the opportunity to step out in faith in a few big areas. And I feel good about that. There's something internally rewarding about confidently choosing to do something out of faith rather than simple logic, impulse, or just personal desire (not that there is anything inherently wrong with those things obviously). But here's where the foolishness comes into play. Stepping out in faith is one thing. Trusting in God is one thing. But choosing to step out in faith and then attempting to accomplish it on my own is something completely different...foolishness.
I pray. I do. I pray out of routine, I pray out of necessity, I pray out of need, etc. But if I'm going to do things that put my family in potential "danger" (living in the American version of poverty isn't all that dangerous really...but that's another blog), if I'm going to expect huge things from my work with Renovatus, if I'm going to dream big dreams about a daughter church plant that I pastor, if I'm going to do anything "risky" in the kingdom I better be humble and centered enough to know that success (the kind of success that I truly want) only comes by God's hand and not by mine. Psalms 127 talks about how unless the Lord builds the house the laborers labor in vain, I can work my ass off, but if I want success I'll look to the Lord as the builder. And the great thing is that the Psalm is followed by a promise that if he's the builder we'll rest. What a scary thought it is to think of engaging battle with the enemy (think: devil. Not: axis of evil) and then trying to fight on my own. Foolishness!
So what am I saying? I'm pretty much reverting back to the elementary message of...I've got to be all about prayer. And I'm not talking necessarily about asking God for success, for healing, for stuff, etc. I'm talking about dedicating myself to conversation with the creator so that out of that relationship he is freed to do his thang in my life.