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The Worst Christmas Gift Ever  

Posted by Ryan Woods

I thought it was a good gift. In fact, I thought it was the highlight of the year. No kidding. Tara and Eric got us a set of Miracle Blades! Sounds pretty good right? Sounds like a great gift doesn't it?
Well here's the cold hard truth: I've got cuts all over my hands. Those knives are so darn dangerous even the handles are sharper than I ever imagined. The other day I was cutting through a block of cement, followed by a tomato (which it sliced neatly, quickly, and thinly) when I nicked my hand yet again. I'm still so angry. Why did they have to do this to me? Why did they have to provide me with these ultra sharp, ultra handy, quick cutting tools? Don't they know that I wasn't ready for such responsibilities?
Don't worry though, I'm soon to be enrolled in a knife safety class at the local community center.


* Dear T & E, please know that this was actually the coolest gift ever. I seriously have cut myself like three times 'cause they truly are the sharpest knives I've ever used. Thanks again. Sorry we didn't get you the second coolest gift ever: a Roomba.

7 additions to the conversation

arwen   says 4:04 PM, January 07, 2007

you need those safety classes... you should know to cut thru the tomato BEFORE the cement to avoid any cross contamination.

i like the part where you cut thru a block of cement. and the part where I can't spell cememtnt. (yeah-that's what I typed e.v.e.r.y time.)

Unknown   says 11:28 AM, January 08, 2007

Ry, I didn't realize we were related, but the evidence is mounting. I cut myself on everything, sharp or not. I think it's genetic.

You have my sympathy. Now, stay away from ceiling fans and fingernail clippers.

Ryan Woods   says 12:09 PM, January 08, 2007

I wish you would have told me to avoid mugs. 'Cause I just shattered one on my hand and cut myself four more times! They're small, but they bled, so they still count.

Unknown   says 3:40 PM, January 08, 2007

Yikes! It's worse than I thought!

Alright, you need to stay away from all sharp and/or breakable objects for at least a decade. If it's approved for use by children three years or under, it's probably okay--but be careful!

arwen   says 10:46 PM, January 08, 2007

you got creative! I like it! (with the mugs, not with the colors)

tara   says 6:10 AM, January 10, 2007

hmmmm ive never cut myself with the miracles...but i gues that i dont put them in my pockets or file my nails with them or play tag with them...

tabitha jane   says 8:45 AM, January 16, 2007

we got some cutco knives for our wedding and in the week after we were married, i cut myself at least once a day . . . so then i was grounded from using the new knives and they were packed away . . . we've been married for over 2 years and i'm not really sure where those knives are now . . .

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